Letter to My Family and Friends.

Dear Cushman Clan,

I want you to know that I love you. I wish I could show you how much I mean that, I try to, but I fail regularly at it and for that I'm sorry. I do love you all, please always remember that. I am feeling a little down, and I would venture a guess that many of you feel that way from time to time. You're not alone. Life is tough and there will always be challenges that feel so new and unprecedented. We have lost many family members that we all loved. I must admit it makes me angry. I know it is a part of life and a natural process, but I never feel ready for it when it happens. I have my mom's side of the family close by and accessible and we still do things however infrequently. I wish I could do more with dad's side of the family. I have so many fond memories even as recently as high school when I was at my dumbest as a human being. I think I could be forgiven for that stupidity as most of us are pretty naive and suffering from a superhero complex. So back to the angry thoughts. 

I was angry and I still am angry and not sure why this is bothering me so much. I think it is because I had great memories and felt like we have all drifted apart. I cannot place blame on anyone and must take responsibility for my own part in not reaching out or continuing to stay in touch. It is a hard thing to do, when there are family, kids, careers, and life in general constantly demanding our attention. I do not blame anyone, but I still wanted you to know that I am angry, I hope in some strange way that you are angry too and that we can reconnect. I don't remember all my cousins but that shouldn't stop us from getting to know each other. There are photos of so many of us all together. There are memories of rides in convertible cars, going to see skate races. 

I don't need to go back to those memories, but I want to be able to know there are others out there like me, and that some of them are family. I hope that we can find a way to reconnect, be a part of each other’s lives. If I can reconnect with family or friends and just have time or thoughts or hobbies we can share, I would appreciate and love to share that with you. If nothing else I will continue to try to work on my projects, they are aimed at family and hopefully they will be a way to reach you, learn about you, and get to share something special with you. Don't forget I love you, and I always will. I will try to use this blog space to add thoughts and projects that I am working on so that I can share that with all of you.

Preparing the Podcast

So I have decided to take this into a direction I have thought about for many years. I have wanted to start a long-form podcast. I'm not sure how often I'll get shows out. I think I have about 2-6 hours per week to work on the show and I intend for it to be around hour long. So as I get better at it I may get to the point where I am getting one per month done. My goal is to produce one show per month. So if I have 8-24 hours to produce an hour show. My guess is I will take notes and then just start talking until I get to where I can open an podcast talk for an hour and then sign off. I have also been toying with the idea of having a video element to the podcast. I think at first I will do audio until I am ready to publish and then I will probably have to add a video element and post on some place like Youtube until I build it up enough for the hobby to pay for itself. I will probably keep updating my blog as I move this outlet forward.

Starting out.

    So I am just now starting this Blog, mostly because I have more time at home to work on these things.  While most journals traditionally would be private and personal the internet allows to have a more open approach to life and our struggles. In some ways I think this could help us all realize that there are others that feel the same as we do. Of course the downside is using such a public forum to grab attention and gratification from others. I dare say there is ever a part of life that is wholly good or bad but everything is good or bad depending on people. 

    So I probably will not reveal all there is to know about me on the front end of this journey. I think this needs to be a blog of self discovery and written as much for me as for any audience. Largely because if I wanted an audience I would start a podcast or a video channel on another platform. Maybe if I do end up with a small audience I would add a podcast or video channel. There is a part of me that is self serving and wanting to maybe have a less traditional work space. 

    Finally, I think this is more of a journey of self discovery and I hope that any readers will see this and appreciate a different point of view. I hope that if anyone chooses to provide comments that they do so in a spirit of constructive criticism and that we're all here trying to raise each other up, and not step on each other to make ourselves feel better.