Dear Cushman Clan,
I want you to know that I love you. I wish I could show you
how much I mean that, I try to, but I fail regularly at it and for that I'm
sorry. I do love you all, please always remember that. I am feeling a little
down, and I would venture a guess that many of you feel that way from time to time. You're not alone. Life is tough
and there will always be challenges that feel so new and unprecedented. We have
lost many family members that we all loved. I must admit it makes me angry. I
know it is a part of life and a natural process, but I never feel ready for it
when it happens. I have my mom's side of the family close by and accessible and
we still do things however infrequently. I wish I could do more with dad's side
of the family. I have so many fond memories even as recently as high school
when I was at my dumbest as a human being. I think I could be forgiven for that
stupidity as most of us are pretty naive and suffering from a superhero
complex. So back to the angry thoughts.
I was angry and I still am angry and not sure why this is
bothering me so much. I think it is because I had great memories and felt like
we have all drifted apart. I cannot place blame on anyone and must take
responsibility for my own part in not reaching out or continuing to stay in
touch. It is a hard thing to do, when there are family, kids, careers, and life
in general constantly demanding our attention. I do not blame anyone, but I
still wanted you to know that I am angry, I hope in some strange way that you
are angry too and that we can reconnect. I don't remember all my cousins but
that shouldn't stop us from getting to know each other. There are photos of so
many of us all together. There are memories of rides in convertible cars, going
to see skate races.
I don't need to go back to those memories, but I want to be
able to know there are others out there like me, and that some of them are
family. I hope that we can find a way to reconnect, be a part of each other’s
lives. If I can reconnect with family or friends and just have time or thoughts
or hobbies we can share, I would appreciate and love to share that with you. If
nothing else I will continue to try to work on my projects, they are aimed at
family and hopefully they will be a way to reach you, learn about you, and get
to share something special with you. Don't forget I love you, and I always
will. I will try to use this blog space to add thoughts and projects that I am working on so that I can share that with all of you.
